A Good Kind Of Weird
by Chezza
Summary: Sam needs to fix what she broke. Sequel to Reality Check.


Title: The Good Kind Of Weird  
  
Author: Chezza  
  
E-mail: cyberchezza@tiscali.co.uk  
  
Status: Complete  
  
Sequel/Series: Sequel to 'Reality Check'.  
  
Summary: Sam needs to fix what she broke.  
  
Season: Seven  
  
Spoilers: Chimera! If you haven't seen it yet, then consider yourself suitably fore-warned. Also   
  
references my previous story, 'Reality Check', so you probably need to have read that first….  
  
Category: Episode Addition  
  
Characters: Jack O'Neill, Sam Carter.  
  
Pairing: S/J, Sam/Other  
  
Rating: PG13  
  
Warnings: Probably language…and some angst  
  
File Size: KB  
  
Archive: Fanfiction.net, Helio, Gateworld, SJD, jackfic, my site… If anyone else wants it, just lemme   
  
know where you're taking it, so I can come visit.  
  
Disclaimer: Ain't mine! Surprise…. Stargate and it's characters etc, belong to all those folks who   
  
actually make *money* out of them. Any original stuff in there is mine. Tho' sadly, it's unlikely to ever   
  
bring me any cash….  
  
Authors Notes: Okay, I caved! I can't stand making people unhappy and not tryin' to fix   
  
things…guess I'm just a sucker for a happy ending. Although it's not *entirely* happy, but I think it'll   
  
do. Actually it'll *have* to do, because I ain't spending any more time on this! I've got too many other   
  
fics waiting for my undivided attention ;)   
  
So, for all of you who fed me back to say 'Reality Check' made you cry/hate Sam/broke your   
  
heart/etc, please consider *this* my deepest apology. It started out as a harmless piece of fluff, but   
  
ended up being an in-depth look into Sam's head with a running commentary courtesy of Jack. I'm   
  
*still* not sure it's an accurate representation of Sam's thinking, but there you go…hope you enjoy it   
  
anyway.  
  
As always, thanks go to dragonlady for the beta. Flames will be used to light Teal'c's candles (not   
  
like *that*! Get your mind outta the gutter, f'cryin' out loud!). Constructive feedback and criticism on   
  
the other hand, is always gratefully received and appreciated.   
  
© Chezza, 2004  
  
~~~Prologue~~~  
  
Sam Carter stared blankly at the plain grey door in front of her. This wasn't going to be easy. Which   
  
really, when it came down to it, was entirely her own fault. Indecision struck and she glanced down at   
  
the mugs of coffee she held, one in each hand. Should she even be doing this? Was it just a knee   
  
jerk reaction to Pete's behaviour?   
  
Footsteps chased the thoughts away. She gave herself a mental shake, realising how stupid she must   
  
look, lurking outside her CO's office. She took a deep breath, mentally preparing herself for the   
  
coming conversation. She couldn't put this off any longer. She could do this. She had to do this. She   
  
wanted his help…needed him. And this was the price. If she had to grovel, she would.  
  
'Suck it up, Major.'  
  
Transferring the coffee mug from her left hand to join the one held in her right, and wincing as her   
  
knuckles pressed against the hot mug, she knocked on the door.  
  
"Yeah!" Came the call from inside.  
  
~~~o0o~~~  
  
Sam opened the door, nudging it with her foot to push it wide, whilst she moved the hot mug back to   
  
her left hand, with a sigh of relief. Stepping through, all she could see of the man sat behind the desk,   
  
was a tousled mop of close-cropped grey hair. He looked up from whatever he was reading, his eyes   
  
instantly latching onto her, before he relaxed back into his chair and put down his pen. The look on his   
  
face went wary for a second, before fading into nonchalance.   
  
Her heart sank. No, this was definitely not going to be easy. She couldn't really blame him, though.   
  
She hadn't exactly made the effort to seek out his company, since *that* conversation in this very   
  
office, two weeks ago. The few non-work related conversations they'd had since, had   
  
been…uncomfortable…to say the least. It wasn't his fault. He was trying. It was just…her.   
  
He was hurting. He hid it well, but she could tell. And she didn't like it. She hated the thought that he   
  
was unhappy, when she was so happy herself. Hated herself, for being the one to make him unhappy.   
  
Hated him, for being unhappy and so making her feel guilty because she *was* happy, while he was   
  
not.   
  
Even though she knew he didn't mean to, even though she knew he was trying his hardest not to.   
  
Even though part of the whole *point* of all of this, was to prove that he didn't affect her like that   
  
anymore, so it really shouldn't bother her at all. It still did. More than she cared to admit. So she'd   
  
done her best to avoid him. Oh, he'd noticed, but he hadn't called her on it. Just accepted it as the   
  
way things were now.  
  
And she hated that too. Hated that he just accepted it like that. That he didn't fight it. Even though she   
  
knew he couldn't, that he was only doing as she asked. There was still a perverse little part of her that   
  
wanted him to, that needed him to, in order to show that he still cared. Even though technically, she   
  
*shouldn't* care whether he still cared. Or not. It made her want to scream with frustration. All *this*   
  
and she was still no closer to figuring it out.  
  
If the feelings she had for him weren't real, then why did she hurt because he was hurt? Why the   
  
feeling of guilt over trying to get herself a life? If he didn't feel anything for her, then why was he   
  
hurting? More to the point, if he was hurting, then why did he have to be so damn *nice* about   
  
everything?! It didn't help…it just made things harder.  
  
It was all such a mess. In fact, if anything, it was more of a mess than it had been before. So much for   
  
'resolving her issues'.  
  
She'd tried to move on and in the process, hurt one of the people closer to her than anyone else had   
  
been, during the past seven years.   
  
'Way to go, Sam.'  
  
She just wanted things back how they were. She wanted her friend back. The one who made her   
  
laugh, the one who teased her about her lack of a life without making her feel self-conscious about it,   
  
because he didn't have one either and didn't care. The one who always had a smile and a joke ready   
  
for her, when she was feeling like crap. She didn't know if that was even possible any longer, but she   
  
needed to find out, because she couldn't deal with this right now. Not on top of everything else that   
  
had just happened.  
  
"Hey, sir." She greeted, kicking the door shut behind her.  
  
~~~o0o~~~  
  
Jack felt a ripple of unease run through him at her actions. Last time she'd done that had been painful   
  
to say the least. Trying to keep the tone light in the hope things might stay that way, he replied.  
  
"Carter! Come to rescue me from my paperwork?"  
  
"No, sir. But I did bring reinforcements."   
  
She held up the mug of coffee in her left hand. His eyes lit up and he sat forward, quickly regretting it   
  
as his ribs protested, unable to hide his instinctive wince in reaction.  
  
'Damn hand device.'  
  
A shadow of concern crossed her face.  
  
"Are you – "  
  
He cut her off with a wave of his hand, this time hiding the sharp jab of pain his sudden action   
  
created. He didn't need her concern.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
He held the hand out towards her, gesturing eagerly for the mug.  
  
"Give!"  
  
She handed it over, smiling faintly at his reaction. He took a long gulp of the hot, brain-cell restoring   
  
liquid and sighed.  
  
"Carter, I take back anything I may have inadvertently said about you. You're a lifesaver."  
  
She smiled faintly. Her internal radar, which was already tuned into his actions and words probably   
  
more than was healthy, immediately looking for a deeper meaning to his words. What did he mean by   
  
*that*? Eventually deciding she was reading too much into it, she replied.  
  
"Thank you, sir. I think."  
  
Silence fell. It wasn't entirely comfortable. It never was anymore and that was what Jack hated the   
  
most about…everything. He shifted in his seat, casting about for a conversation opener. It was   
  
difficult…frustrating even. They never used to have communication issues and yet now they couldn't   
  
even talk to one another, f'cryin out loud! Not that that they actually *talked* talked, but they had done   
  
the whole chat thing. Friendly banter. Gentle teasing. Now they didn't and he missed it. In some ways   
  
it felt like he'd lost his best friend.  
  
It wasn't that he hadn't tried, because he had. He'd made the effort, attempted to show an interest.   
  
Shown he was okay with things. That he liked this Pete guy, because she liked this Pete guy.   
  
Because he made her happy, something he couldn't do.  
  
Except every time he tried, she got that panicked look around her eyes and attempted to avoid the   
  
issue, change the subject. Like it made her uneasy. Like she wasn't expecting it. In fact, to use the   
  
dreaded cliché, getting blood out of the proverbial stone would probably be easier. She just didn't feel   
  
comfortable talking to him any more – outside of work-related issues - and that hurt. And yet…and   
  
yet…here she was, voluntarily entering his office, bringing him a cup of coffee. When as far as he   
  
knew, she was supposed to be talking to that boyfriend of hers, bringing him up to speed on what she   
  
and everyone else in the SGC did for a living. That had to mean something. Didn't it?  
  
"So…talked to Pete yet?"  
  
"Mmm."  
  
Yep, here we go. Insert panicked look, right there.  
  
"How'd he take it?"  
  
Sam hesitated. Jack felt the ever-present frustration of the last couple of weeks rising again. He   
  
wasn't sure how much more of this he could take before he snapped.  
  
"Carter…."  
  
She sighed in resignation, her shoulders slumping. She'd wanted Pete to take it well, be okay with it.   
  
Which he had been, initially. But, like other things just recently, it hadn't turned out the way she   
  
wanted. Or expected.  
  
"Not as well as I'd hoped, sir."  
  
Oh, okay. That wasn't the 'it's nothing' or 'it's fine', that he was expecting. Was she trying to give him   
  
an opening? Jack gave her a calculating look, trying to quash the small feeling of hope that welled up   
  
at her words, then gestured towards the spare chair.  
  
"Come on, Major. Pull up a seat and tell Uncle Jack all about it."  
  
She couldn't help the smirk that appeared.   
  
"*Uncle* Jack?"  
  
Yeah, *this* was what she missed…. The thought crept unbidden into her head, making her smirk   
  
fade. Could she get it back? God she hoped so….  
  
Jack shrugged.  
  
"Hey, it works with Cassie."  
  
Lost in her thoughts, that one only garnered a half-smile and she still didn't sit down. Not good.  
  
Jack restrained the urge to grimace.  
  
'Come on, Carter! Cut a guy some slack here, will ya?'  
  
He pointed towards the chair. She hovered for a second, instincts wavering between fight or flight.  
  
"*Sit*, Major."  
  
She sat. Without a murmur of protest. Which was another indication of offness. That should at least   
  
have garnered an objection to being treated like the family pet.  
  
"Now. What's up with Pete?"  
  
That wasn't satisfaction he was feeling with those words. No really, it wasn't.  
  
She chewed her lip, not looking at him.  
  
"Um...actually…I was hoping you would…I mean I know I've got no right to ask, but…"  
  
Jack sighed, impatient now. He was frustrated, ill at ease, on edge, with a constant ache in his rib   
  
area that he wasn't entirely convinced was due to the bruising they'd received, since it seemed to   
  
increase whenever she was around. He really needed her to get to the point before he did - or said -   
  
something incredibly stupid, because that was pretty much all he seemed to be capable of saying   
  
around her at the moment.  
  
"Carter…."  
  
"Iwashopingyoucouldtalktohimforme."  
  
Jack blinked.  
  
'Huh?'  
  
"Carter?"  
  
He was hearing things. Had to be. Either that, or he was hallucinating. Maybe the Doc had slipped   
  
him a Micky in that coffee.  
  
"Please, sir."  
  
"You want *me* to talk to him?"  
  
A mumble.  
  
"'essir."  
  
He gave his head a slight shake and placed his mug down, before fixing her with his 'puzzled but also   
  
slightly amused' stare.  
  
"Uh…why?"  
  
She blushed.  
  
"I…ah…I was…um…hoping …uh…hopingyoucouldgivehimthebigbadColonelroutine. Sir."   
  
The eyebrow rose for the first time in the conversation. *What* did she just say?  
  
"The Big Bad Colonel routine?" He repeated slowly.  
  
She flushed even further.  
  
"'essir. You know, impress on him how important it is that our work remain secret, what the   
  
consequences would be if it doesn't, what could happen to him if it doesn't…"  
  
The eyebrow rose even higher, as he studied her. She wanted *him* to put pressure on her   
  
boyfriend? Why in the hell…?   
  
He ruthlessly stamped on the Alpha male part of him that had sat up and taken notice at her words.   
  
The part that was currently begging him for the chance to have a go at the man. Howling for him to   
  
say yes. That wasn't what she meant or what she wanted. However satisfying it might be.  
  
"No offence, Carter. But what's stopping you…?"  
  
She looked away, embarrassed.  
  
"He won't…listen…to me. I – I don't think he believes me – "  
  
She faltered.  
  
" - you know, about how serious the repercussions could be, if he speaks to anyone about this."  
  
Jack frowned. That wasn't good. The last thing they needed was an informed civilian running round   
  
and making life difficult for everyone. It was bad enough that he'd found out in the first place. He'd   
  
managed to spare Carter most of the repercussions from that, but questions were still being asked.  
  
"Have you tried?"  
  
She scowled. Of course she had! Did he honestly think she'd be here asking him, if she hadn't tried   
  
her best first?!  
  
"Of course I have! He just…doesn't seem to take me seriously."  
  
To start with, things had gone fine. She'd been happy to see him alive and getting better. But then the   
  
more they'd talked, the more she'd tried to explain, the less Pete seemed to understand. He'd   
  
laughed it off, making a joke out of everything. She knew that was the way he dealt with things, but…it   
  
irritated her. This was her work. This was what she did. She wasn't making fun of *his* choice of   
  
career, was she? And let's face it, there were plenty of opportunities if she'd wanted to. He was a cop   
  
after all, and she'd spent the last seven years learning from the master of sarcasm. Although even   
  
*he* at least knew when to shut up and be sensible. Most of the time.  
  
Guess it was yet another thing that was her own fault. He didn't know her as 'Major Carter'. She was   
  
'Sam' to him. The woman he laughed with, joked with, danced and slept with. He couldn't accept the   
  
serious, military side, because she'd never shown it to him. She'd kept him separate from her work,   
  
out of that part of her life. Not because she hadn't wanted to, not because it wasn't allowed, just   
  
because it had never occurred to her. It wasn't supposed to be anything serious, so why tell him   
  
anything? It was easier to keep quiet.   
  
At least it had been until he wanted to know and then she'd frozen. She hadn't wanted him to know.   
  
And she couldn't say why. Actually, that wasn't strictly true, she could say *why* - she didn't want him   
  
in that part of her life. It, and the people in it, were special. She didn't want him intruding in that. It was   
  
too personal.   
  
Which then made her wonder if maybe she was setting him up to fail. If maybe, refusing to tell him   
  
anything, was a way of pushing him away before he got too close. A way of saying, 'See? I've tried it   
  
and it didn't work out,' without ever really giving it a chance. So she'd fought for him to be told the   
  
truth. And she'd got her way. The Colonel had backed her up.   
  
'Carter thinks he can be trusted, sir.' He had said. 'That's good enough for me'.  
  
She wouldn't have got the go ahead without that vote of confidence, and yet at the same time, she   
  
found herself wishing he hadn't given it. All it did was make her compare them. Again.   
  
It was something she'd been doing a lot. Too much. However much she tried not to. The Colonel   
  
knew next to nothing about Pete, but he'd trusted her word. While Pete…had followed her around to   
  
find out more about her work, when what she'd told him didn't prove to be enough for him to accept.   
  
She wasn't sure she could let that go. Even for the sake of a potential relationship. If the Colonel   
  
could trust her, then why couldn't he?   
  
'Because he doesn't know you?' Her inner voice was obviously playing Devil's Advocate today.  
  
And why was she comparing him to the Colonel anyway?! She was supposed to be over him! More   
  
importantly, *why* when she did, was it Pete that was failing to measure up?   
  
'Perhaps because you don't know him?' There was that damned voice again!   
  
If this whole…thing…was supposed to have proved that her feelings for the Colonel weren't real   
  
feelings, then why was she more forgiving of his behaviour, than that of the man she was supposed to   
  
be dating?!   
  
Crap, her head hurt.  
  
  
  
'You think too much, Carter.'   
  
She could almost hear the Colonel's amused tone in her head. She forced the thought away, resisting   
  
the urge to physically shake her head. Last thing she needed was him asking what she was thinking   
  
right now….  
  
'Welcome to the conflicting emotions class! Your tutor today will be Major Samantha Carter, expert in   
  
this particular field…today's lesson is a comparative study of the current partner, versus the   
  
Commanding Officer. Discuss.'  
  
She studied the man in front of her over the rim of her coffee mug, taking a sip of the hot liquid.   
  
Maybe she should just jump him and be done with it. At least then she'd *know*, one way or the other.   
  
Of course, given recent events he'd probably be more likely to put her up on charges than   
  
reciprocate, but hey, if she was going to end her career – which seemed highly likely if Pete couldn't   
  
accept what he was being told - she might as well do it in style….  
  
Jack returned her stare for a moment, wondering what she thought when she looked at him. Then he   
  
decided he was probably better off not knowing. He picked up his pen again and tapped it on the desk   
  
a couple of times, choosing his words carefully, before pointing it at her.  
  
"Now see…the Carter *I* know, would never stand for that."  
  
Sam opened her mouth to give an angry retort, but the words died on her tongue as doubts assailed   
  
her once more. He was right. If one of her colleagues had given her that kind of response, she would   
  
have reprimanded them.   
  
Was she altering her behaviour just because of who he was? Was she so desperate to have a life   
  
outside of this place that it was affecting her actions? Pete was her best – currently her only - chance   
  
of that life…. Was she compromising her standards in order to make this thing with him work?   
  
Damn the man for putting that thought in her head! She glared at him.   
  
Jack returned her gaze calmly, none of his inner fury showing. He couldn't believe she'd let that go! It   
  
made his blood boil to think that anyone could have that kind of effect on his confident self-assured   
  
2IC...could take away her authority like that. It wasn't right. Especially not coming from the man she'd   
  
promised so much too. She'd told him everything he wanted to know and this was his response?! She   
  
deserved more than that.  
  
The stalemate held. Then Sam looked away, her shoulders dropping again. There was no getting   
  
around it. He *was* right. But she just couldn't…she couldn't do it. Not without ruining whatever it was   
  
Pete and her had and she didn't want to do that.  
  
"I know, sir…but this is Pete…"  
  
"You shouldn't have to make an exception for him, Carter."  
  
"I *know*. But – "  
  
"Ah-ah! No 'buts'. Just because you're dating, doesn't give him the right to treat you like crap, Carter."  
  
'And you *know* it.'  
  
God! Now she was getting dating advice from the one man she couldn't date! This was just too   
  
surreal…. Sam hung her head, trying to restrain the desire to sob in disbelief, or laugh hysterically.  
  
"*Please*, sir." She said desperately.  
  
Jack looked at her for a long moment. She kept her head down. He gave a weary sigh, hating to see   
  
the defeated look on her face. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want anything to do with Pete. At all.   
  
Ever. In any way, shape, or form. The man had the one thing he was *not* allowed – a chance to   
  
have Sam Carter in his life, as something more than a friend. The last thing he wanted was to be   
  
stood in the same room as the guy, let alone have to give him a dressing down. Although that part   
  
held the potential to be mildly amusing, at least.   
  
But…Carter had asked him. Which made it a foregone conclusion and they both knew it. He felt mild   
  
resentment go through him, that she should have that kind of power over him. He shrugged it off.   
  
What's done was done. She worked her way into that special place reserved for people he cared   
  
deeply about, a long time ago. Couldn't be helped, couldn't be changed now. God knew he'd tried.   
  
"Well…since it's you, Major…"  
  
Relief shone across her face as she looked back up at him.  
  
"Thank you, sir."  
  
~~~o0o~~~  
  
Silence reigned once more. Jack had fully expected her to leave after getting his agreement, but to   
  
his surprise, she hadn't. She sat there quietly sipping her coffee, occasionally shooting glances in his   
  
direction, through her eyelashes. It was almost like she wanted to say something else, but couldn't   
  
bring herself to say whatever it was, either. It was putting him on edge again. Looked like he was   
  
going to have play Twenty Questions. He could already feel the ache starting just between his   
  
eyebrows. He hated this kind of thing.   
  
Resisting the urge to pinch the brow of his nose in irritation, he decided he might as well dive straight   
  
to the heart of the matter. Save drawing this thing out. Might make it easier on the both of them, if   
  
they just got this over and done with as quickly as possible.  
  
"So…you and Pete are - ? "  
  
"Friends. Just friends."  
  
She then restrained the urge to roll her eyes at herself.  
  
'Gee, *how* pathetic did that sound?!'  
  
It seemed the best way to describe them now. If she was being honest, she wasn't sure *what* they   
  
were any longer. They hadn't really spoken since the day he'd walked out, until she'd given him the   
  
photo she'd had developed today, as a reminder of everything they'd shared. Then they'd got into the   
  
whole classified issue and everything had gone downhill from there.   
  
He'd said he was going to have to head back to Denver when he was released and looked at her   
  
expectantly, which made her uneasy. She'd said fine, made no offer to accompany him – her work   
  
was too important to leave for any long period of time. At least that was the excuse. Cue silence,   
  
followed by 'Come on Sam! The place isn't going to fall apart without you!' For some reason his   
  
insistence had made her dig her heels in over the subject. Cue more silence, then the jokes began.  
  
She'd ended up snapping, 'It's not funny! ' and somehow – she wasn't sure how - from that point,   
  
they'd ended up at 'People should be told about this! This is big! How can you keep something like   
  
this from people?' via 'You should have told me about this!' and 'Dammit Pete! You *know* why I   
  
couldn't!', 'No, I *don't* know!'.   
  
Which was the real heart of the matter. He was hurt that she hadn't told him, which she *couldn't*   
  
have done anyway, although she couldn't seem to get that through to him, and she was hurt that he   
  
hadn't trusted her. She'd bit back the urge to tell him to grow up and stop acting like a baby. He'd said   
  
he needed time to think about it all. She told him fine and said she was going to get a coffee. And that   
  
was where they'd left things.   
  
She'd decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. To be fair, it wasn't like he was used to dealing   
  
with the concept of interplanetary travel and hostile aliens, on a daily basis. But…she was   
  
still…disappointed…and confused. Everything had been going so well and now this. Yeah, the   
  
warnings had been there, his walking out, then following her, and how stupid had that been?! By   
  
rights she should have chewed him out over it, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Yep, definitely   
  
pathetic…but it still hurt. Her first proper relationship in oh, way too many years, and she couldn't   
  
even seem to make *this* one work! What did that say about her? She'd needed to vent.   
  
'Yes, and look where you ended up.'  
  
Did that mean anything? That the moment she'd run into trouble with a personal relationship, she'd   
  
gone running to him? Why him? Why him and not Janet? Or Daniel? Or even Teal'c?  
  
If it didn't mean anything, then why had she told him, when she hadn't told anyone else? Was it just   
  
because he'd guessed? She couldn't help the shiver of delight that went down her spine as she   
  
remembered. He'd *known*. Without her saying anything. It made her feel…happy…and she couldn't   
  
say why. Or maybe she could, but just didn't want to.   
  
'Gah!'  
  
This type of thinking was getting her nowhere! But the fact remained, she hadn't told her friends.   
  
Hadn't even thought to mention Pete to them. Janet hadn't been happy about that. She hadn't exactly   
  
sulked, but it was enough to put Sam off venting about her issues with Pete to her girl friend. She   
  
hadn't wanted to discuss it with anyone else…only him. God, she really was just so pathetic. Totally.  
  
"Just *friends*?" Jack's question pulled her out of her reverie.   
  
"Like you and I are…just friends?"  
  
Sam sighed. That was the whole point though, wasn't it?  
  
"We've never been *just* friends. Have we, sir?"  
  
Her words hurt. But they were accurate.  
  
"No, I guess not."  
  
Silence. Jack looked down at his mug, turning it round. Just friends or not, he didn't want to lose her   
  
friendship. Hell, he didn't want to lose her, period. Seemed it was too late for that, but still, her   
  
friendship, along with that of Daniel and Teal'c's was one of the things that meant the most to him. If   
  
he had to eat humble pie to keep it, then fine. He would. He looked back up at her.  
  
"But we can try, right? To be…just friends?"  
  
Sam swallowed. Just friends. Right. If that's what he wanted, she could do that. So why did she feel   
  
tears pricking her eyelids at the thought of being 'just friends' with this man? Of losing   
  
that…connection… which they seemed to share. It made her feel…safe. As if she was part of   
  
something special. She didn't want to lose it.  
  
"Yessir." She whispered, past the lump in her throat.   
  
"I'd like that."  
  
Jack took another gulp of coffee. Mmm, that was good. She knew *exactly* how he liked it. He   
  
cleared his throat.  
  
"So…what happened?"  
  
She shrugged.  
  
"Nothing happened. It's just…Pete's going back to Denver. I'm staying here…you know what it's like."  
  
Oh, there were the promises to get together whenever possible, Denver wasn't that far away after all.   
  
But it wasn't realistic, not in the long term. She worked long, irregular hours, so did he. She knew from   
  
past experience, that without a lot of work on both their parts – or something changing, yeah like that   
  
was gonna happen! - it would just…fade away. And to be honest ,she didn't even know if she   
  
*wanted* to have to put that much effort into a relationship…it would be easier if Pete lived and   
  
worked in the Springs, but even then….  
  
Or was that just another excuse? 'Oh, it's far too difficult so I'm not even going to try.' Was she just   
  
being lazy? Letting her fear rule her once again? Stopping it before it became too much for her to   
  
handle? Was that what this was about? Because it felt like she was losing control over her neatly   
  
ordered life and couldn't cope with it? Whatever happened to being flexible? Adapting to changes?  
  
'Argh! This is impossible!'  
  
She felt the urge – again - to bang her head against the wall, until she knocked some sense into it. Or   
  
passed out. Whichever came first. Although the Colonel would probably cart her off to Janet for being   
  
a nutcase long before she reached that point….  
  
Jack nodded sympathetically. Between her work schedule and his, they'd be lucky if they saw each   
  
other more than a few times a month. The sympathy didn't stop him feeling the smallest amount of   
  
elation at the thought.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
'Liar.'  
  
"It's okay. We're going to…see how things go."  
  
She looked down at her fingers clasped around her mug, then back up again.  
  
He's…nice." She said shyly, as if seeking his approval.  
  
She meant it. It was nice. Nice not to have to be Major Carter for once. Nice to be wined and dined   
  
and romanced. Roses and all. She remembered the end to that day, a small smile tugging at her lips.   
  
Yeah, that had been *way* more than nice… For a little while, she'd been able to forget about   
  
everything. Have the illusion of the life that everyone else had.   
  
The smile faded as her thoughts diverged off down a darker path. Then it had all come crashing   
  
down. It wasn't the same anymore. Not now that he knew. Reality had rudely intruded on her attempt   
  
at a normal life and brought it to an abrupt halt.  
  
Realisation struck, leaving her sat in stunned shock. She wasn't upset by any of this. Not really. She   
  
was sad that it wasn't working out the way she wanted, but she was rapidly learning that was the   
  
trouble with illusions - they never did. If they couldn't make it work…well then…it honestly didn't   
  
bother her. She liked Pete. A lot. He was a great guy. There was just…something missing. Looking at   
  
the man in front of her, she realised what that something was. He wasn't *him*. It really was that   
  
simple.  
  
Jack felt a twinge go through him at her words and covered it up with a smirk.  
  
"Ah, *nice*." He said.  
  
"The kiss of death for any relationship…"  
  
She didn't restrain the glare. Jack gave her a sheepish look.  
  
'Oops. Too far…'  
  
That'd teach him to let the jealous guy out.  
  
"Sorry, Carter. Please carry on."  
  
The sad thing was that he was right, she mused, looking at it analytically. It was going to be fun while   
  
it lasted, she was going to have some great memories, but he was never going to be 'the one'. They   
  
just didn't *have* that connection. They could make a go of it, she realised, and it would be good.  
  
Scratch that, it *was* going to be good, because good was all she could have right now…but it would   
  
never be great. The potential just wasn't there for that. She'd needed this, in order to see the   
  
difference. And now she did.   
  
Everything seemed so much clearer all of a sudden. She knew what her decision would be. It was   
  
crazy, but it was what she wanted. She shook her head, restraining the desire to laugh at herself.   
  
*This* was what she needed right now, but given the choice in the future, all he had to do was ask   
  
and she would happily let a perfectly good relationship go, in the hope of having something…great.   
  
'Samantha Carter, you are never damn well satisfied!'  
  
Now all she had to do was get the point across to the man sat in front of her.   
  
"As I was saying, he's nice…and…"  
  
She had an evil thought. Jack lifted his mug to take another swallow of coffee.  
  
"Actually, you know what? He reminds me of you."  
  
Jack choked on his drink.  
  
"Howzat?" He asked hoarsely when he was able to speak once more.  
  
"He reminds me of you. Sir."  
  
He did that eyelid blink of his, the one he always did when he was having trouble accepting something   
  
he was being told.  
  
"He reminds you of *me*?"  
  
'Ick! Him? *Puh-leease*…'  
  
Now he needed to shower.  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
Sam had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at the expression on his face.  
  
'Don't laugh, don't laugh.'  
  
Jack paused before replying. He didn't want to insult her, but he wasn't gonna let *that* one go! Talk   
  
about a bruising to the ego….  
  
"Should I be insulted or flattered, Major?"  
  
"I'd go with the latter, sir. Otherwise you'd be insulting my choice of partner."  
  
'Oh, *very* good….'  
  
"And we wouldn't want that…."  
  
She grinned.  
  
"No sir, we wouldn't."  
  
'Not unless you want to insult yourself as well.'  
  
She simply had to carry on. If only to see his reaction.  
  
"He's funny…"  
  
"Funny?"  
  
"…and cute…"  
  
"Cute?!"  
  
She gave him her patented innocent look.  
  
"Sir?"  
  
Jack shook his head.  
  
"Carter…."  
  
She was grinning inanely at him. Jack narrowed his eyes.   
  
'Two can play at that game, Major….'  
  
He stretched languidly, then had to fight the urge to curl over, as his ribs reminded him it wasn't a   
  
good idea. Not wanting to spoil the effect he carried on, placing his hands at the back of his head.  
  
'See? Didn't hurt. Not a bit…'  
  
She didn't look entirely convinced.  
  
"Well," he drawled. "I guess if you can't have want you want…"  
  
He waggled his eyebrows in what he hoped was a suggestive manner.  
  
Sam rolled her eyes.  
  
"Oh please!" She muttered and took a gulp of coffee to hide her grin.  
  
"…just hope you don't go callin' the wrong name at an inappropriate moment."  
  
Sam choked on her coffee.  
  
'Yes! Score…'  
  
"That's *not* funny, sir." She wheezed when she could speak again.  
  
God, imagine if she had…did…. She could feel a blush starting at the thought. Which was probably   
  
what he was aiming for, damn him.  
  
Jack made his eyes go wide as if in shock, when he saw her blush.  
  
"Heck Carter, it hasn't really been a problem has it? Cos I mean, if it *has*…"  
  
Sam blushed harder, unable to prevent it.  
  
"Shut. Up. Sir." She growled out.  
  
He grinned at her across the desk.  
  
"Whatever you say, Major. Whatever you say…"  
  
~~~o0o~~~  
  
Jack drained his mug, placing it back on the desk.  
  
"So…thanks for the coffee."  
  
Sam took a deep breath. This was it. After the…lightheartedness – even if had been mortifying – of   
  
the last few minutes, it was here. The moment of truth. She swallowed.  
  
"That's okay, sir." She said.  
  
" You can keep the mug. It's a replacement. For…the other one."  
  
Jack took a good look at the mug in front of him. The picture on the side was of a fisherman on a   
  
riverbank. The man was laid back in a chair, arms crossed across his chest, with a hat pulled down   
  
over his face and an unattended rod at the side of him. His feet were propped up on a sign which said   
  
'Gone Fishing.'  
  
"Sweet." He murmured. He looked back up at her, grinning.  
  
"I like this one better."  
  
"I figured it was easier to start over with a new one. You know, rather than try and piece the old one   
  
back together…"  
  
Jack frowned. Something told him they weren't just talking about the mug any longer.  
  
"Is that possible?" He asked, carefully.  
  
"I…" she swallowed. Do or die.  
  
"I was hoping so, sir."  
  
He looked at her gravely for a long a moment. He had to know. If he had any chance, or whether he   
  
was just fooling himself.   
  
"You sure about this?"  
  
  
  
She held his gaze for a long moment and smiled, feeling things start to fall into place once more. She   
  
held up her own mug, painted with the same design.  
  
"Well, they are a matched pair, sir."  
  
He looked at her for a long moment, feeling the heavy weight of the past few weeks begin to lift. It   
  
wasn't much, but it was something. A start. What of exactly, he wasn't sure, but he wasn't going to   
  
complain. He'd take whatever he could get right now.  
  
"Yes, they are." He murmured quietly. "Yes they are."  
  
~~~o0o~~~  
  
Sam couldn't help the feeling of relief that went through her at his agreement. She wasn't sure what   
  
this meant for them, but right then she'd be happy with whatever he was willing to give. If that meant   
  
they were forever destined to be nothing more than friends, then so be it. At least she hadn't lost that.  
  
"Thank you, sir."  
  
Jack shook his head in disbelief. She didn't need to *thank* him, f'cryin' out loud! She was trying to   
  
build a life for herself. There was nothing wrong about that. She'd earned it. She deserved it and he   
  
couldn't give her it.   
  
"Ah Carter, don't be so hard on yourself."  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"You know what I mean. You needed to work it out…get things straight in your own head. No reason   
  
to feel bad about it."  
  
"There isn't?"  
  
"Nope. Look at it this way, before you didn't know. Now ya do."  
  
Insecurity struck again.  
  
"Don't you?"  
  
'God, yes!'  
  
She nodded her head, eager to reassure him.  
  
"Yessir."  
  
She looked down at her hands clasped round her mug, sorting the thoughts out in her head. She   
  
wanted to say this right.  
  
"Pete is…everything I need right now."  
  
She looked back up, meeting his eyes squarely, trying to make sure he got the message.  
  
"But he isn't everything I want. Sir."  
  
'He never will be.'  
  
"So, just to clarify…now you do know what you want?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
"Yessir."  
  
'What I can't have.'  
  
And yet…here you are."  
  
He paused, wanting to use the right words to reassure her that this was okay, that he was okay, that   
  
they'd be okay. For now he was her friend. That he could do, that he would allow himself to do. There   
  
were no guarantees in life. She could one day find that Pete meant more to her than she thought. He   
  
could die tomorrow. Hell, he could even find someone! Wasn't likely, but it could happen….  
  
He wasn't even going to allow himself to think of anything more. Not from this point on. It wasn't fair to   
  
either of them. If it happened, someday, down the line, then he'd be happy. Deliriously so. But he   
  
wasn't going to pin his hopes on it. She'd hurt him once, however unintentional it had been. There   
  
was no way he was going to leave himself open to that again. He wouldn't ever hold her back and she   
  
wouldn't grind his feelings under her heel ever again. This was the way things were going to be from   
  
now on.  
  
" It's a sure thing, Carter."  
  
'One day. If you want it.'  
  
She couldn't help the small smile that grew and spread across her face at his words.   
  
'Déjà vu…'  
  
"A safe bet?"  
  
"I guess."  
  
She nodded again. It all made sense now.  
  
"I get it now."  
  
"Took you long enough."  
  
"I think too much?"  
  
"Yeah…but you wouldn't be you, if ya didn't, Carter."  
  
They shared a smile for a moment, then Jack leapt up from his chair and clapped his hands together.  
  
"C'mon, Carter! Let's go bully this boyfriend of yours then, eh?"  
  
Sam stood up much slower.  
  
"Bullying wasn't quite what I had in mind, sir."  
  
Jack gave her a crestfallen look.  
  
"It wasn't? Not even a little?"  
  
Sam fought the urge to laugh. She really shouldn't be laughing about this. It wasn't fair to Pete, but   
  
she couldn't help it....  
  
"No, sir. If you could just persuade him of the serious nature of our work, that should be fine, sir."  
  
It was Jack's turn to roll his eyes, as he walked past her and pulled open the door, gesturing for her to   
  
precede him.  
  
"Fine. I'll…impress upon him the dire consequences of mentioning what he's learnt, to anyone outside   
  
the mountain then. How's that?"  
  
She walked past him out of the door.  
  
"Sounds good, sir. And he's not my 'boyfriend'."  
  
'Boyfriends' were for people Cassie's age.  
  
"Ah, Carter! He's a boy and he's your friend. Therefore he's your boyfriend."  
  
Sam rolled her eyes again. Something else she'd been doing a lot of today. Sometimes the man's   
  
logic was soo infuriating…  
  
"Yes, sir. But with that reasoning, every male friend I *have* would be my boyfriend. Including you,   
  
Daniel and Teal'c."  
  
Jack shrugged as he followed her down the corridor.  
  
"Hey, I wouldn't have a problem with that!"  
  
'Well, except for the 'and Daniel and Teal'c' part…'  
  
"I'm sure you wouldn't, sir. I think the Air Force might, though."  
  
"Very diplomatic, Major."  
  
"Thank you, sir. I try."  
  
Their cheerful banter continued all the way down the corridor to the elevators.  
  
~~~Epilogue~~~  
  
"So…this is new."  
  
"Mmm."  
  
"Kinda weird."  
  
"Um-hmm…"  
  
"Not uncomfortable though."  
  
"No, it's good."  
  
"It is?"  
  
"It is."  
  
"Sir…are you whistling?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Well stop it. You're making me nervous."  
  
"Ah come on, Carter! Allow a guy to feel a little smug over the whole thing, will ya?"  
  
"You're impossible. You know that?"  
  
"Yeah…but you love me anyway."  
  
Sigh.  
  
"Yes, sir…I suppose I do."  
  
~~~End~~~ 


End file.
